


Choices

by rizlowwritessortof



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean POV, Gen, Sam POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizlowwritessortof/pseuds/rizlowwritessortof
Summary: This is my sixth installment for @mrs-squirrel-chester ‘s Album Fanfic Writing Challenge. My album is Smokin’ Hearts and Broken Guns - Shaman’s Harvest. This one was inspired by Silent Voice from that album. This is probably my favorite song from the album, and it always brings to mind the sacrifices they have made, for the world, and for each other. Sam and Dean know what it’s like to embrace the darkness. And they have always fought like hell to bring each other back. Lyrics are below.





	

Well you know you’d better run,  
to the hills and the convents.  
With hair raisin’ goosebumps  
you can feel the man comin’.  
Oh with the watchers and the scapegoats,  
you were hidin’ in the rain.  
With a back cut and music,  
you were bleedin’ out your pain.  
Oh where you think you’re gonna run to when the man is you.  
  
And hold me close, you’ll never see  
You’re the only one who understands  
the storm in me.  
And I’ll wait for you here,  
with silent voice.  
God only knows I never wanted you to make this choice.  
  
Well you loathed down in the mire,  
cuz you didn’t wanna face it.  
With a gunslinger’s desire,  
you’d rather burn out than save it.  
  
Oh with the watchers and the scapegoats,  
you were hidin’ in the rain.  
With a back cut and the music,  
you were screaming out your pain.  
Oh where you think you’re gonna run to when the man is you.  
  
And hold me close, you’ll never see  
You’re the only one who understands  
the storm in me.  
And I’ll wait for you here,  
with silent voice.  
God only knows I never wanted you to make this choice.

##  **_Sam_ **

I tried. Tried to deny it. Tried to hide from it. Tried to run from it.

I tried to fight it head on.

But I always knew. I always felt it, even when I was a kid. Felt unclean. Felt unworthy. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not enough.

When Dean came after me, asked for my help, I knew. I wanted to pretend like I was out, like I’d escaped. But deep down, I think I knew. When they murdered Jess, I could feel it rise up in me.

And yeah, I talked big, thought I was strong enough to fight it. Got pissed off at Dean when he doubted me.

And I thought I could wrestle Lucifer, could let him in and still be able to drive. Didn’t work that way.

When it came down to the end, though – Dean was there for me. He pulled me back, gave me the strength to take the leap into hell. He’s always been there when I really needed him.

I came back from the cage without a soul. No conscience, no emotion, just an efficient killing machine. Even tried to kill Bobby. Dean wouldn’t let it go. Went so far as to die to talk to Death, get my soul back.

And when I was in that church, five seconds away from finishing that last trial… all I knew was that I couldn’t let him down again. I had nothing left, and when he told me… When he said it would kill me, I said, “So?!” And I meant it. From the fucking center of my soul, I meant it.

But he wouldn’t let me go through with it. And I think, maybe, that we’ve learned something about the balance of things in this fucked-up world.

Have we made sacrifices? Yeah. In spades. Have we made mistakes? I’ve lost count of mine.

But we’ve done a hell of a lot of good. We’ve saved a lot of people. Saved the whole damn world a few times. Sometimes we make a mess, and we have to clean it up.

Things haven’t been easy. We’ve hurt each other, fought with each other, tried to go our separate ways. But we’ve learned one thing, through all the blood, and pain, and loss.  

_We’re stronger together. Always have been. I guess I’ll always need my brother._

__

##  **_Dean_ **

God, when I was young… the whole fucking thing was an adventure. Huge adrenaline rush with an ego to match. I mean, I thought I was immortal.

Then that rawhead fried my ass, and Sammy found a way to save me. At the cost of someone else’s life. He didn’t know, how could he? I just added that to the pile of guilt I carried all the time. Pulling him back into the life? Yeah, I was a selfish bastard. Dad was gone, and I didn’t want to carry the load alone. When he started having those visions, I felt like… like if I had left him alone, left him at Stanford, he would have been okay.

When he died… I couldn’t live with it. I felt like it was my fault, and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t. So I made the deal. Brought him back.

And then, a year later – I put him through the same fucking thing.

Not only that, but I came back with more blood on my hands than I’ll ever be able to pay for. And he knows what I did, but he’ll never _know_ , you know? He’s never – _never_ thrown that in my face, even when I was reaming his ass for the demon blood. He was trying to do good, just in the wrong way, and Ruby played him, took advantage of how lost he was.

And I can’t say much, I let Crowley manipulate me right into the Mark of Cain. Hook, line and sinker. I’ll say one thing, I finally understood, a little, the pull of that darkness, that power, that Sammy felt when he was on the demon juice. There was nothing like it.

Yeah. And then I went completely dark side. I’ve done things I’ll probably never know about, things that I remember that I have a hard time forgiving myself for, but Sammy pulled me back. Even when I was gonna kill my own brother… he never gave up on me.

We’ve both been the things that nightmares are made of, things that people should be afraid of, should run from. But we’ve always brought each other back from the darkness.

Things still aren’t easy. Things never will be easy, not for us. That’s not the life we live. That’s not our purpose. But Sam and me – we’ve learned that we can’t do it alone. We balance each other. We keep each other human.

_We’re stronger together. Always have been. I guess I’ll always need my brother._


End file.
